sNeAk PeEk.

When together, you constantly think of the negative things about each other
But when you're no longer with each other, all the good memories comes back

I've been listening to my MP3 player, staring into blank air lately. Then I remember, that was exactly what I did back in High school when I was 15. Songs like Avril Lavinge ,Simple Plan , Good Charlotte (still love them), EMINEM & Linkkin Park were my favorite and I listen to them almost every night.

I tried to sleep but I can't. I feel so angry and betrayed. I feel like a fool. I was so damn naive.

I seriously regret for being such a bitch back then, well,She was my best friend. Although she was a little sensitive and a lil weird , but she understands me the most, she was there all the time. I don't remember what the fuck gone wrong and we stopped talking to each other. I guess she had a boyfriend, I was left out? She became all princess like, having her boyfriend to protect her and all that just annoyed me. I think it's karma, I can never find a true friend, who would be there when I am down, someone i can talk to about ANYTHING! She was my neighbour, my classmate and my best friend. I mean she accept me for who I am, oh wait, she did call me a slut for talking to boys, I swear I was just telling them to hand in their homework! I think I'll apologize to her (when my egoism is gone =P )

Oh hey, look what I found on my MP3... A song that Haire dedicated to me... He asked me to be his girl, I nodded. I had my first kiss then, he is so charming! I remember the way he looked at me, then he said, "Hold on.. " he went over to my computer ( the huge desktop, the screen wasn't flat and the very noisy keyboard) played "if I never knew you" and then he came to me and smiled, "I dedicate this song to you." I wasn't really paying attention to the lyrics, I only remember " If I never knew you.." I was so nervous and I felt really awkward! I think I was a little afraid as well? and in my head was , "I have a boyfriend??? I just kissed a boy!" hahaha... and yeah , Haire is my first boyfriend.

Then sometimes after that day, I keep asking myself, "I just nodded! Why did I nod?! I was supposed to wait til SPM is over!" (how lame is that?). It was really weird because all of a sudden, I only text ONE guy, and it was kinda weird then. Sometimes I forgot that I am no longer single and I wasn't use to that feeling, because I was too use of being single and lovin' it. I guess now that I'm used to having him around, I'll be half dead if he isn't around. ( omg he's going to Bristol).

I don't think I was as serious as him then, he loves me more than I love him. Sometimes, when I have problems, I talked to him about it and then I realized, things weren't the same anymore. I am not alone anymore. So we cheer each other up, meet up once a week after school, I'll be mad over silly things and he'll make it up to me.

I remember once.. I was mad because of some silly things. I ignored his calls that night, then I forgive him and went to bed. The next day, after my van dropped me at my condo, I heard footsteps and when I turn around, he was there!!!

Surprised I asked, " What are you doin here?"
he said, " I know I'm not supposed to be here in case your mom caught me..But I don't feel good"
Me: "Why?"
He:"I'm really sorry about what happened last night. It's all my fault. I wrote you a letter in school.. I can't concentrate in class..I'm sorry."
Me: "Oh my...how did you come here?"
He: " I hitch a ride from my friend."

I found out that after school, he quickly borrow a helmet from a friend and asked his friend to send him to my house with a motorbike. How sweet eh?

Since then, I love him more and more each and everyday until today. I don't know about him though. I guess he fall out of love more and more each and everyday. hahaha.

and I remember having a conversation with him which makes me cry.
him:"...and then we'll get married..."
me: *sobs*
him: "hey...what's wrong?"
me: "hmm, I want to marry you..but..."
him: "yeahh?"
me: "I don't want to convert..."
him: "Oh it's alright.. maybe you ain't ready yet.. but if you don't want to..I wouldn't force you."
me: "But I love you..I just don't want to convert...gosh this is so hard.."

hahahah and I started crying so hard and he has to console me. and we were 17.

I remember asking, "What if one day, we argue and it got so bad, and you don't love me anymore?"
his answer was, "Baby, why argue and hurt the one you love right?"
and I said, " Yeah but what if i keep on arguing, and you feel angry and you don't love anymore?"
he says: "I will just back down baby, because I don't want to hurt the one i love, and why fight and hurt each other's feeling, it doesn't benefit anyone of us either."

I think I want to stop for now... Memories make me sad, because they are just memories. This is an extremely long post, I think it's my first time posting something sooo long. I don't think anyone would actually read it thought. I'll be glad if You'll actually take your time to read it. It's kinda random as well, if you noticed.

the title of the song in mp3 is "If I never knew you Yee Won". hahaha.. how cute. The song was transfered from his PC, to the HUGE computer, to this laptop, and then to the hard disk because the laptop was infected with virus, and then to this laptop again.. and then to my mp3. I believe the song will stay with me for as long as i live, with the same title =)

here's the lyrics...(Which will make this post LONGER) hahahaha.

If I never knew you
If i never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me.

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd hve lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
all they'd leave us were these wispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right

Oh if I never knew you
There's no moment I regret
If i never felt this love
Since the moment that we met
I would have no inkling of
If our time has gone too fast
How precious life can be...
I've lived at last...

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love wuold be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is saying we were right
we were right

And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you