sNeAk PeEk.

Hi,

I know I've been single for quite some time before, people always asked me then:

"Do you like anyone at the moment?"
"Are you afraid of commitment?"
"Are you lesbian?"
"What is it about the guys that you don't like?"
"What's taking so long."

I always shrugged, gave them different answers. Although I am very sure the truth is, I am not ready.

At first, everything seems too sudden for me, I broke up with my first boyfriend of 3 years 8 months, find it hard to accept and was trying to get use to being single, not use to other guys who came into my life, and it was all too rush.

Suddenly, the world that I've been living in , seems so unfamiliar to me. I wanted to kill myself because I don't know how to live, I felt like everyone was laughing at me, I felt so humiliated, like I deserve it. The one that I'm close to, is a total stranger to me... I became close friends with those I hardly talk. My parents were giving me pressure because I do not have a proper job, and people rushing me to be in a relationship when I'm not ready....

It felt so weird to talk about the one that I've been close to, it hurt me so much to talk about him then, because I loved him too much to say he's wrong, I loved him too much to see his flaws, therefore, forcing myself to say those things to my friend or admit that everything is different, hurts a lot. I don't know how to explain it.

I tried different ways of escaping , but they're only temporally.

Suddenly people call me a bitch, (insert nasty names) because I did not want to be committed even though I showed signs that I am interested, in other words, I was flirting.

I wanted to have fun, but a lot of people mistaken it as something "sexual". No, I don't have fun sleeping around, because I'm not some game you put into your Xbox and play and then go around telling your friends how was the game, and telling people about your collections. Pfft.

Doing things I want without having to upset my other half, things like meeting people. When you're single, you kind of just want to mix around, gain new friends because some of your friends in the past are not so "active" anymore, new friends because they don't know your past.

Seriously, I still have friends who asked me about my previous relationship, teasing me about it. It's not funny and that's why I try to avoid them. New friends don't bother, and it's fun to discover different people with different interest, and sometimes, you discover you =)

Along the way of my single life, I met a lot of different people, tried a few jobs, did things I've never done before. To a point where, I did not feel the need to be in a relationship anymore, because I'm so used to it. I just want to focus on my career , my life and myself.

When I do that, I kind of discover ME. Instead of impressing the person and be someone else, I just be me.

Now, I'm happy to say that being in a relationship now, even though I hardly go out party like I use to , or meeting my friends like I used to, I'm contented with my life, cause I got a proper job and I want to make my way to the top, I behave well now my parents are so cool, my boyfriend who loves me for who I am.

The only thing that I am worry now is how do I get rid of my tummy fats? =/